just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
