the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
