If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
