so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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