she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are the jesus of drinking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize