Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
