So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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