...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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