Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
