I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
