i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
