And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
