I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i came on her dog
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
