I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
