I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
