1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
