If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
