And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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