I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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