If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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