i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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