were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
