in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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