My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
