What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize