true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
