It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
