I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
