Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize