a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
