some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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