All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
