i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize