4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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