I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
