My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fill condoms, not promises.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
