Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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