I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
