I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
