I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
