ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
