u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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