i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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