She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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