two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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