i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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