He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
