what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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