i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
