wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
