You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
