He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
