Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
