Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
