after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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