Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
