I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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