my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
