My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
